it is possibly time to end this blog and start a new covert one

fuck me

i just never fucking learn!

i know what is wrong. i know what i need to do

yet i keep doing the same thing over and over and over again

only to fall flat on my face again

fucking denial. fucking insanity

fucking stupidity

that's all there is to it, isn't it?

i have once again been reminded that friendships are overrated

when it comes to the crunch - nobody has your back

it's every man for his own

just have to keep reminding myself that i only have me

Raya all alone is pretty fucking depressing, let me tell ya!

This year was set to be the worse

Thank God for YouTube - for letting me have Takbir Raya on loop

Thank God one of my best mates wanted to go for a short trip

Made it a great day!

Made it bearable, minimal tears...

So Raya 2012 = waffles + Karangahake Gorge + dimsum + hot choc :)

being all alone is bad enough

but being alone on Eid?

well, fuck me

aaaarghhhh!!!!!!

who knew the simple act of breathing could be so difficult

that the most attracting thing seems to be to cut yourself - just to change the pain, just to watch yourself bleed...

it just hit me

this will be the most depressing Raya ever!

being alone when Raya as you know it meant the whole clan

i can only hope that im working that day

it's really sad that i don't believe in friendship anymore
i believe that i can still be a good friend - that i will be there should said friend need me
but i no longer believe that it is reciprocal
and i no longer expect it

i know that's an over-generalization
but the world looks different when you've had people who were "friends" turn their back on you
turn their backs when you needed a shoulder to cry on the most

maybe that will change
i hope it will change

insanity = doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results

why do i keep making the mistake of depending on others, depending on "friends"

gotta remember - i am an island

in the perfect world i'd have him,
he who would:

pffft! yeah...sure...after i get my act together...

when people (especially "friends") repeatedly make you feel like shit, 

eventually you believe it yourself

cos you don't know better