hmmm....

feels like things have not changed one damn bit

i'm with the same bunch of people

texting the same bunch,

doing the same bunch of things

having the same bunch of fun

so, someone tell me what the point of this is?

humans are complex creatures aren't they...

especially the female humans...

hmmm...

if only i didn't have this many random thoughts...

if only i didn't have anything else to think about...

i think that's my goal for this coming year...

just concentrate on work...

all work and minimal play..

yeah, at least that'll decrease the risk of confusion, of pain

think only of work...nothing else

i hate feeling completely inferior...as if i dont already feel like a nothing...

its bad enough that there are times i feel stupid at work...

i hate it more when i talk to him...

i admit that i know next to nothing when it comes to computers/games/technology...

i just feel sooo stupid when he has to explain everything to me...

God! what must he think of me...:/

oh well...just suck it up, bitch!

i had a fear/hesitation about committing to something

reason for this fear/hesitation was pretty irrational and shallow

now this reason has morphed

i think i have come to terms with the aforementioned reason

i can deal with it - it's actually not a big deal (i think)

the fear/hesitation has now morphed into another reason

now i wonder if i can live up to it...

7/11 = 4/12

so, it seems i've been dating for 4/12 now..

odd, very odd...seeing as how i never expected to be in these shoes

i've fully expected to be on my own forever..

now he's in the picture.

weird...but i've grown to like him more than just a friend...

i always thought he was interesting...i thought we got along well - albeit online...

so i guess this makes a somewhat natural progression...

call it paranoia, call it lack of self-believe...

heck, call it my insane ability to sabotage any hint of "happiness"

but i somehow think i like him more than he likes me...maybe...gaah!

i knw this is insane...but i cant help it...

fucking retard!

i almost think i should hold back...

maybe be a bit more distant?

maybe just so i can bounce back easier when he realizes what a 'tard i am...

fuck i need to see a shrink!

7/10 = 3/12

today is 7th october

3 months ago, on 7th of july,

we went on our first date :):):)

it was a really cool place - "the bee" -

a place i'd like to go to again...

7/10 = 3/12

how cool is that! :)

i'm glad i agreed to it :)

i like my life here...

heck - this is where my life is....

having said that......there are times when being here is a hindrance...

• family matters - i cant be there when i need to be...:(
• boy
• mamak shops!!!!

oh well....i best be making some lemonade, aye?

october 5th

today is october 5th

3 months ago, on july 5th - we had our first drinks together

completely awkward!

it was at mcd's curve...he yawned throughout and was extremely quiet!

i on the other hand, was extremely noisy! - compensating for the awkwardness and my own nervousness...

it wasn't the date we planned....'twas just the warm-up drinks! LOL

my, how things have progressed....:)

lyrics so sexy! :)

Just shoot for the stars
If it feels right
And aim for my heart
If you feel like
And take me away and make it OK
I swear I'll behave

You wanted control
So we waited
I put on a show
Now I'm naked
You say I'm a kid
My ego is big
I don't give a shit
And it goes like this

Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk
And I'll show you

All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

Baby it's hard
When you feel like you're broken and scarred
Nothing feels right
But when you're with me
I make you believe
That I've got the key

So get in the car
We can ride it
Wherever you want
Get excited
And you want to steer
But I'm shifting gears
I'll take it from here
And it goes like this

Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk
And I'll show you

All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger (Yeah)
I've got the moves like Jagger

You want to know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night
But if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this

So watch and learn
I won't show you twice
Head to toe, oh baby, rub me right
But if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this

And it goes like this

Take me by the tongue (Take me by the tongoe)
And I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk
And I'll show you

All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

this trip..

back for raya....

back for family....

back to a boy....:) - i knw! who would've thunk it! i never thought i'd say this!

u know the saying "never look a gift horse in it's mouth"....

yeah well....i know that....

but still.....i can't help but continue to be gobsmacked by it all....

still can't figure out how and why and what he sees in me....

my cynical side is working overtime! i mean, this guy seems WAY TOO GOOD! that it just doesn't seem real...

but he's definitely growing on me....and yeah...it helps that he's funny....;)

we're oh sooo very different...and yet, we're oh so alike....

im still trying....trying not too over-think things as usual...

trying not to think of the worst-case scenarios (as i usually do)....

so yeah....dating....

OMG..me, nana...I'm DATING!!!!!! :p

long, LONG-distance dating....

good GOD....let's see what happens....