i don't think i have ever been this sad

still so much pain

hurt

anger

and yet, for the first time

i cannot cry it out

i've run out of tears

a fucking miracle!

someone i can share my day with

to share the good and fun stuff

and the horrible, annoying stuff

new beginning: starts NOW!

reminder:

if he cannot love you and respect you and trust you
then he is not worth pursuing anymore

they say:
it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

BULL-fucking-SHIT!

i never want to do this again

i'd rather not know it than to be in so much pain

why do i always fall for men who will never fall for me?

of realize too late how i feel?

so no

better not to fall then have to pick up the shattered heart again

so angry

so very very angry

yay! back to theatre tomorrow! :)

miss operating- even if it's just 2nd assist

and...

i can get my supply...

stock up on a few 15-blades and some steri-strips

keep them handy..

just in case shit hits the fan and it becomes too painful again

note to self:

must not cut

i want someone i can wake up next to and smile

i want someone to have coffee with

i want someone i can explore all these cool cafes with

i want someone i can share my day with

i want someone to make coffee for

i want someone i can rock out with at a gig

i want someone i can watch tv and movies with

i thought i had this someone
sadly, i threw it away
now i don't think this someone exists anymore