adam's song

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

i wonder if there's a manual somewhere out there on how we can be happy....or rather, how I can be happy....

hmm...maybe HAPPINESS for DUMMIES....definately something i sooo fucking need...

dammit...im sooo fucked up la...

NEEDS...vs wants...

at this very moment im typing this, i REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED :

1. mama (i cant believe this!!!)
2. puchi
3. fai
4. a fucking sharp, sterile knife/razor/scalpel
5. boxing gloves
6. taman tun
7. happiness!!!
8. NOT THIS

my very 1st PV!!!! =)

as per the title of the blog...
i had my GTA (gynaecology teaching associates) session this evening and at first, before i actually went through it, i was so very sure tht i was gonna be in soo much anguish!

it turned out ok! haha...i mean, it was good to finally be able to make sense of wht was written in the GTA book la kan - compared to it juz being words....=)

so yeah...i was DEFINATELY squirmish at the introductory video....i mean, wht with my uneasiness with all things concerning tht area below the belt! so yeah, whole vagina part - pretty gross! mind u, i have actually taken a cervical swab last year - adn tht was uber-cool!

and then came the time for us to practice on the GTAs...aiyo...malu dan awkward sial...ok, it started ok, with us trying to elicit & conduct an interview in the way it would probably go...so it was a really awesome to knw tht...the thing is, there were 3 of us - all gonna do the speculum exam & PV on this woman!! (oh btw, kpd mereka-mereka yg blur, PV = Per Vagina)...

it reached my turn - the last one to go....so i started with the speculum...a bit rusty, bt not too bad - juz squirmish having needed to face the vagina ful-on! done with tht....on came the part i was dreading la! i mean, on one hand, i knw it'll be cool, cos at least i'd finally knw how to do it...bt on the other hand, IM ABOUT TO STICK 2 OF MY FINGERS INTO THIS WOMAN's VAGINA!!! manela tak squirmish! i cant even look at the damn thing without shying away! and its not like the PR - sticking ur finger up the ass isnt tht bad!..bt wht to do...we all gotta learn - seeing as how i am doing my o&g run....

bt hey, i felt the cervix! a real one! not one of those on those plactic models!!! hehe....cool...definately cool...bt yeah - to get to this cool part, i have to unfortunately face tht area i hate the most la kan - the dreaded genitalia....*blurgh....*

Speedo LZR RACER Suit

omg, omg, omg!!!!!

check it out la...the new swimsuits for the upcoming Beijing2008 Olympics!!!
brought to u by the best of the best...in conjunction with their 80th anniversary, Speedo brings to u the Speedo LZR RACER Suit.....

To celebrate its 80th anniversary, Speedo, the world’s leading swimwear brand has launched Speedo LZR Racer suit, which independent testing has shown to be the world’s fastest swimsuit. Speedo has harnessed the expertise of the United States space agency NASA amongst a number of international research institutes to create:

• faster suit which has 10% less passive drag than Speedo’s Fastskin FSII launched in 2004
• 5% less passive drag than Speedo FS-PRO, which was launched in March 2007
• 4% faster in starts, sprints and turns compared to Fastskin FS-PRO
• 5% better oxygen efficiency compared to a normal training suit

Speedo’s research and development team, Aqualab, have spent more than 3years in intensive research and development to create their most hydro-dynamically advanced swimsuit to date.

Speedo scanned the bodies of more than 400 elite swimmers and held technical tests involving more than 100 different fabrics and suit designs in the world’s leading flume and test centres. Their quest to enable swimmers to swim faster than ever before, took them all over the world from the NASA Langley Research Centre to the Australian Institute of Sport (AIS), Otago University in New Zealand and working with CFD (Computational Fluid Dynamics) software from ANSYS, Inc., whose technology is also used in F1 motor racing and America’s Cup yachting.

suit features:

• LZR Pulse Fabric - ultra-lightweight, powerful & water-repellant, it reduces muscle oscillation & skin vibration through powerful compression. this fast-drying fabric also offers low skin friction drag
• LSR Panels - ultra thin, ultra powerful, ultra low-drag; embedded at strategic points on the swimmer's body to deliver optimum streamlined shape and drag reduction
• internal Core Stabiliser - supports & holds the swimmer in a corset-like grip & helps them to maintain thebest body position in the water for longer
• bonded seams - world's 1st fully bonded bodysuit. ultrasonically welded, bonded seams create a perfectly smooth yet flexible streamlined surface
• ultra low profile zip - bonded into the suit to further maintain a smooth surface shape
• unique 3D 3-piece pattern - dynamically engineered to optimise the shape of the swimmer

The Speedo LZR Racer suit, which has been approved by FINA (Fédération International de Natation Amateur), will debut at national trials around the world from March 2008.

and.....amongst the swimmers involved are:

• grant hackett!!!! (lazat....)...("its the best yet")
• michael phelps....("it feels like a spacesuit")
• thomas rupprath
• libby lenton ("it feels like i'm swimming downhill")
• ryan lochte
• amanda beard
• leisel jones

man....damn chun.....=) soooo nice....sooo cant wait for the olympics!!!!

i really wish ian thorpe was still swimming.....=)

sunburst....bubble burst.....

dammit....

i HAD to be in auckland when sunburst dropped la kan....
not only do i miss out on drooling over BrandonBoyd and JohnLegend.....i miss out on going to the gig with my best friend! oh, and incidentally, the very lazat mr boyd had his shirt off!!! mane laa i tak sakit hati rite....=)

to add salt to wound, MAROON5 decided to jack on us la rite!!! i was soooo bloody looking forward to rocking to AdamLevine, bt noooo....there conveniently haaad to be a charity event on the same date la rite! sooo....because they're sooo charitable, they had to cancel on me la kan..

hmmph.....blaarrgghhh......

i'm back.....

im back online!!! hahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahaha.....

im so happy..and telecom is really good at the mo...gile babi laju wei!!!
hahaahahahhaha....compared to woosh dulu....hehehe...why not la kan....

hahha...ok...happy happy happy!!!!! =)

the day of the window-washer/abseiler....=)

hehe...weird title kan...=)

basically about 2 days ago, on tuesday, we were told by the building manager tht the windows of the apartment building were going to be cleaned, so that we wont get a shock when we see a man dangling by our window and tht we oughta close our windows...

so ok la...we were prepared...subha was in the living room and went to close the window there. nxt thing u knw the dude juz appeared out of nowhere and shocked the poor girl...and she, being all terkejut and flustered there, juz smiled, waved and went back to her work to avoid further embarassment. apparently the dude gave her a weird look la...haha....

so naturally, when the dude had gone, she told us all abt it...(incidently, it was weird tht all of us were home tht morning...)...and she mentioned tht he was pretty good looking la...we laughed, we joked...until sal said he was gonna be at her room....so...dengan sengalnya, we all went to her room to catch a glimpse of mr window-washer/abseiler....

unfortunately we couldnt see him yet cos he was at the higher floors....so we thought we'd try looking from atiqah's window which was nxt door....still tak nampak yet la...it started getting funny and girly when sal suddenly said she had to close her curtains cos she didnt want him to see her undies!! hehehe....damn cute la....so yeah, still looking from atiqah's window, we saw his legs! he was at the floor above ours...!!! =)

so we actually went out of her room, and looked in from the door! moush was at one side of the door frame peeking in, i was at the other...and subha! man...she was the best! she actually got on all four and peered in like tht...hehe...then he came to our floor...we were already giddy and giggling, bt we still didnt see his face - juz his limbs...suddenly, his face popped into view and the 3 of us juz recoiled and dropped down to the ground laughing hysterically!!!

omg...giler oestrogen OD la tht morning...hahah...i cant believe tht even I did it!!! =)..it was damn funny la...

so we went back to our work....i went back to my computer in my room...incidentally, it was placed rite in front of my window...so the nxt thing u knw...the guidewires tht he'd use to dangle of our buildings was at my window...adn so i casually mentioned this to the girls...wht happened nxt - subha and moush who were studying in the hall decided to up and study in their rooms! hehe...i went back to my work...then suddenly realise the mess my room was and tidied up a little to make it more presentable - to mr window-washer/abseilier! hahah....aiyo, kadavaley....

so while doing my work...suddenly, when i least expected it - cause i thought he was still somewhere on the floors above - he popped into view! giler terkejut la i!!! i had to like juz control macho (whtevr's left), smile and close my window and then got back to work, "concentrating" while i sneaked in a peek/glimpse or 2 at his face....

haha...verdict: ok la...semi-lazat la....=)

so yeah, who wouldve thunk it! a day we all coincidentally happened to be home...topped with a dash of semi-lazat mr window-washer/abseiler...=).....girls, girls....=)

guards...up or down?

party-pooper? hmm...i wonder...

sometimes having ur guards up the whole time can be tiring...it can also lead to u missing out on things, on events...bt i mean, its hard juz to even take tht very FIRST step towards letting ur guard down...

i dunno how things can get so wrong...u try to be a good person, u try to do good by urself, by ur principles, by ur parents...bt wht happens? at the end of the day, wht DO u get? u get left out of fun nites? u miss out on time with ppl? u get the 'dork' label? u get known as being NOT fun?

so when exactly does keeping ur guard up end up being beneficial? for some of us, thts how things have been for waaay too long, tht u juz dont knw any different...so how do we go on from there? how do we start taking those much-needed baby steps into letting our guards down, bit by bit?....if only we had a manual, a guide to show us the steps....

weird/sad...yet true...
how does one have so many ppl around them, yet feel the loneliest they've ever been?
how does one have so many friends, yet feel like they're out of reach?

i wish there was a guide to these bits of life...it sucks when u dont have tht guide u knw u NEED...*sigh*....