aaarrghhhh....

2.35pm-
my already-short fuse is seemingly shorter the past couple of days....
im getting extra-irritable, extra quick! - esp in the presence of those selected few....

hmm...wht a conundrum.....i wonder if im PMS-ing...

4.40pm-
outside help recruited....

7.40pm-
u gotta love outside help! esp ones tht make u laugh despite feeling low....brilliance! :)

thank god for puchi and fai...on a diff continent...bt ALWAYS on the same wavelength!
thank god also for rock music! who knws how i'd handle life without it! ;)

8.30pm-
fact - i swear too much! i think someone needs to CHILLI my mouth so tht i would really stop with all the profanities! hmmm.....

fact - im quite sure tht at diff times, i'd have diff soundtracks to my life.....and so with tht notion, im fairly certain tht the soundtrack to my life at this current point is adam's song.....hmmm....

and so, the outcome of the 5minute osce "feedback" session - where he pretty much juz gave us a piece of paper with the results of our individual stations:

F, P, P, F, D......go figure!

overall paeds results: TBD.............fuck me! :(

bubbye paeds.....hello immunology?

6wks of paeds is finally over! culminating in the bloody osce i had juz an hr ago!
it may have only been 5stations, bt boy did they give me the bjeebers!

i mean, i was soo happy with my 1st station - asthma hx and education - off course la senang kan! so yeah, tht obviously threw me off-guard - there i was thinking "yay! i think i can do this osce" - bt nooo....after tht i was faced with innes asher in the bloody examination station! it was a bloody 9-monther with 4/7 fever, poor feeding, sleepy. now examine! giler bapak annoying! i dunno la...for the normal ppl, im sure it was a straightforward, easy station. bt i sure as hell fucked up! (apparently - much to my relief - caroline and a couple others also felt the same)....

station 3 was another hx - 7 y/o with constitutional short stature - i was quite happy with this la, well, sorta....station 4 was a fucking video station! a 2-minute soundless video of a kid with global developmental delay - and the woman who was examining was of no help and was juz annoyed me! buurrrgggghhh....

and last bt not least, station5 - pictures - pix1 was im quite sure "scalded skin syndrome" - i think la kan! - pix2 was hypertonia (CP), and pix3 was pectus excavatum - blurrrghhh....i mean, seriously!

wht a total fuck-up! oh well, we'll see the extent of it soon - when i go back for the feedback session at 3.30.......dear god, im soooo bloody dreading this.....:(

rant of the day...

2.45pm - [T-126d]

happiness...is not a fish that you can catch

• i love tht cd!
• i think its a brilliant phrase! :)

jaded.despondent.stupid.alone.empty.paralysed

other than being a complete fuck-up and total dissapointment, i can honestly say tht i cant think of anything else tht i mite even remotely be good at...

wht's wrong with me?

knowing wht i knw now, i think my BIGGEST regret is not ever having a proper, formal aptitude test...i would pay BIG money now to juz go back and have one done...at least then, i can maybe see if im good at something....*sigh....wishful thinking*....

[T-131d]

WHO am i?

WHAT am i doing here?

today's rants & ramblings...

[T - 132d]

11am

happy! = my rollingstone arrived!!!! :) thanks raof! :)
sad = 2 words - kimberly caldwell.....:(
sad = raof couldnt find the stamps...:(





5pm
happy! = i bought more milo! they were cheap at foodtowm...yumm...:)
happy! = gonna bukak puasa in like 5mins! :)
happy! = i bought tht book i wanted! - the book on cults! :) yay for whitcoulls sale! :)

10.20pm
happy! = downloaded the only album by the sex pistols yesterday - love it! :)
happy! = downloaded to albums by the hives - definately into them! :)
confused = downloaded "doolittle" by the pixies - definately not wht i expected...im confused now...

11.55pm - we always want wht we cant have...

note to self...

"no man is an island"

something i must remember...though im quite sure this man is...

ps: T-133d