i think God hates me

yeah, yeah...i shouldn't be saying that

but hey, can't help it now can i?

FML

i am alone in a crowded room

can't talk to her no more - not about stuff that matters at least
can't talk to him no more - not after finding out im naive and immature
can't talk to him - not after i betrayed him
can't talk to her - she's got bigger, better things on her plate and i don't think she could ever handle what i've done, what i'm doing, what i think, what i have to say

there really isn't anyone i can ever open up to
some things, some thoughts just cannot be verbalized

i am alone through the mind-fuck
oh well, gotta suck it up, huh

i hope i've done the right thing

i hope i'm doing the right thing

i want him

i want it

i want us

sadly, 

i know i'm not ready for it yet

i'll just break it again :(

true to form, i've ruined the one good - no, great - thing i had going in my life.

good job, nana!

once again, you've stopped yourself from being happy.

you succumbed to your mindfucks. 

good luck getting that great thing back

men in suits

oh.my.gawd!

Finally truly listened to "Shake It Out" by Florence + The Machine
Don't think I've connected with a song in a long while...the last one was probably "Adam's Song"

"Regrets collect like old friends, 

Here to relive your darkest moments, 

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool, I've been blind,

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around"

I know the song goes on...
But I'm yet to follow through with it...
I'm still pre-chorus, still pre-dawn...

"All of these questions such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it's always darkest before the dawn..

And I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't

And here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope

It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat

Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa,

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa,

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back,

So shake him off, oh whoa"

Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to shake it off