i have come to realize something COMPLETELY retarded about myself...
i have in recent years become cynical about love and the likes, and have almost completely ruled out it ever happening to me...and then the "imu affair" happened - with a person i LEAST expected, at a point in time i least expected...as we knw, tht fizzled....
so now, i pretty much went back to square one - which is fine by me...
then i now realize tht i've got a bizzare frame of mind....the people i turn my thoughts/attention to are the ones i KNOW would never work - well, unless a snowstorm decides to freeze hell over....
i see that i have a pathological pattern in liking dudes who are WAAAY out of my league, they might as well be out of earth's gravitational pull! examples include various rockstars/celebrities/swimmers....and in this recent months, a surgical registrar...
i think i've also come to a point where i juz completely tune out "regular" dudes...and seeing as how im psycho-analyzing myself here, i think it's because it's juz easier liking dudes i KNOW i can never get....and that i know by liking these dudes with the background that i can never have them, it prevents the heartache and heartbreak tht's bound to happen with realistic relationships.....
so yeah, i think tht it's a wall i've built to not get hurt, to not feel the pain and to not get my hopes up...plus, i think i might juz be a tad bit of a commitment-phobe....
hmmm......i think this is what happens when i use my head to rationalize these things instead of using the heart....go figure...
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