ever since i learnt the term...ive been pretty convinced tht ive got BPAD II....or at least hypomania....im even more convinced now...
i've been down for the longest time ever! and then, for the past few days, i've been on a pretty high wave...hmm...adn now, i think i mite juz be going back down hill?
i juz heard a great, great news...about 2 great - the best even - friends...they got together! i think i've always suspected - even since our taylors/imu days - tht something would come out of it...cos they've always had this special bond btwn the 2 of them...i couldnt be happier! and i knw things would be awesome...CONGRATS my dears...
bt the fucking problem is...this brought up fucking thoughts which i DONT wanna have!!! FUCK!!
my sense of self-loathe has juz returned with a fucking vengence! god, i miss the days where it was the 4 of us...they were brilliant! my brothers and sister....now im stuck on this god-forsaken island-kampung, while my life juz crumbles to fucking pieces....
i think wht has also happened is tht, as much as i thnk im this pretty independent saggitarian, as much as i think i've done pretty well being single my whole life...i think i juz realised - or rather, im finally admitting - tht i think i do wanna feel all these things tht ppl talk abt...fuck! i thought i escaped all tht...
i think my mind is slipping...i think my motivation for life is slipping...im quite sure...no, i KNOW tht i HATE myself....i want those days back! days where i was happy in imu...days where i was happy with my best friends in tmntun....
1 comment:
i know what you mean. and i'm not just saying it cause i'm your friend.
i know how is it to be so down that there's no other way but up. so then i rose above it to only sink again and hit even lower than before.
so i know. you're not alone. and we can overcome this. we will. i promise you that...
(i'm such a drama...but it's the truth!)
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