michael makes it 8 as we bid farewell to the water-cube...

its the last of our days at the beautiful Water Cube....so sad it has to come to an end, for it was undoubtedly the most spectacular swimming the world has ever witnessed!

and if before this all started, i would say i already had a bit of a crush on michael phelps...but now, i would sayd tht i LOVE him!!! i LOVE the baltimore bullet.....;)

anyway, before i get carried away dreaming of him - here's a recap of the medals since i last wrote...

14 August 2008

men's 200m breastroke
gold - kosuke kitajima (2:07.64 - OR)
silver - brenton rickard (2:08.88 - OC)
bronze - hugues duboscq (2:08.94)

hands down, the best breastroker in the world...was there any doubt he wouldnt get gold? i probly expected him to break his own WR, bt hey - it's the medal tht counts aye...:)

women's 200m butterfly
gold - zige liu (2:04.18 - WR)
silver - liuyang jiao (2:04.72)
bronze - jessicah schipper (2:06.26)

yup, tht's right...it's CHINA 1 and 2!!! how awesome is tht! china's first gold in the pool and to make it sweeter - she lowered schipper's previous WR of 2:05.40!!! and the defending olympic champion - otylia jedrzejczak of poland - only managed 4th...the home crowd was definately pleased! :)

men's 100m freestyle

gold - alain bernard (47.21)

silver - eamon sullivan 47.32)

bronze - jason lezak (47.67)

this was such a close race! i was obviously hoping for the best final yet - i mean, wouldnt u? after the brilliant semis?...anyways, even though my choice - the aussie eamon sullivan, off course! - didn't win, it was nevertheless, a brilliant race! i guess i was also happy tht bernard didnt lower eamon's WR of 47.05...:)

oh, and hoogie, sadly wasn't able to make history by winning his 3rd olympic 100m free...and it's also a sad day for the swimming world, cos he retired shortly after the race....bt no worries, i'll always remember the brilliant dutch - pieter van den hoogenband! :)

womens' 4x200m freestyle relay

gold - australia (7:44.31 - WR)

[stephanie rice, bronte barratt, kylie palmer, linda mackenzie]

silver - china (7:45.93 - AS)

[yu yang, qianwei zhu, miao tan, jiaying pang]

bronze - usa (7:46.33 - AM)

[allison schmitt, natalie coughlin, caroline burckle, katie hoff]

oh.my.god!!! the beautiful and brilliant aussie girls did wht the american boys did for their relay! they demolished the previous WR of 7:50.09 held by the americans...thts a bloody 5-second drop! how awesome is tht!

stephanie rice, was good, and though she trailed the french at first, bronte barratt superbly puched the aussies up front!...it was definately a superb swim by all! and the top4 teams - 4th being the italians who set a new ER of 7:49.46 - were all under the previous WR!!! wht is this, if not brilliance? :)

15 August 2008

women's 200m breastroke

gold - rebecca soni (2:20.22 - WR)

silver - leisel jones (2:22.05)

bronze - sara nordenstam (2:23.02 - ER)

damn...wht an upset!!! jones was leading pretty much all the way till the last 50m where soni juz burst right-on thru and made it clear tht the gold medal had her name on it! i mean, it was no competition - 2seconds between them! not only did she out-swim jones here, she destroyed jones' previous WR of 2:20.54....wht a great race! :)

men's 200m backstroke

gold - ryan lochte (1:53.94 - WR)

silver - aaron peirsol (1:54.33)

bronze - arkady vyatchanin (1:54.93 - ER)

this was a bloody spectacular race!!! ryan and aaron came into this as co-WR-holders...well, we can safely say - NOT ANYMORE!!! :) lochte killed their prev WR of 1:54.32, and has definately taken-over from peirsol as america's backstroke king! :) i was sad, cos i really liked peirsol, but at the same time, stoked, cos we've got a new poster-boy for the backstroke - 24y/o lochte...:)

men's 200m IM

gold - michael phelps (1:54.23 - WR)

silver - laszlo cseh (1:56.52 - ER)

bronze - ryan lochte (1:56.53)

i found this race brilliant in more ways than one...it was michael's number 6!!! and again, it was a WR..surpassing HIS previous WR of 1:54.80...how cool is tht...juz one step closer to equalling mark spitz's record 7...:) the hungarian cseh was equally awesome! i mean, granted he wasnt gonna surpass michael, bt he kept up! and at times, they were on par! he is bloody awesome! and ryan! he juz swam and won gold juz minutes ago, and here he is again! fantabulous!!! :)

women's 100m freestyle

gold - britta steffen (53.12 - OR)

silver - lisbeth trickett (53.16)

bronze - natalie coughlin (53.39 =AM)

who is this german girl?!? we all thought - well, at least i for one did - tht libby trickett was a sure-win for this event...,bt lo-and-behold! she was overtaken and beaten by juz 0.04seconds! whoa...bt hey - at least libby still holds on to her WR of 52.88...:)

16 August 2008

women's 200m breastroke

gold - kirsty coventry (2:05.24 - WR)

silver - margaret hoelzer (2:06.23)
bronze - reiko nakamura (2:07.13 - AS)

yay!!! im a big fan of this brilliant swimmer from zimbabwe...and she did it! she finally got gold and lowered hoelzer's WR of 2:06.09!!! :)

men's 100m butterfly

gold - michael phelps (50.58 - OR)

silver - milorad cavic (50.59 - ER)

bronze - andrew lauterstein (51.12 - OC)

omg!!! this right here is THE untimate definition of tht phrase LUCKY NUMBER 7!!!! holy fuck! wht was he thinking!!! it was sooo bloody close tht no-one, and i mean no human eye could have caught it!

not surprisingly, the serbian team submitted a protest and wanted to see the video replay...granted, the OMEGA technology used for the timing is as good as perfect - even vouched-for by the great alexander popov - bt i guess we can all understand the need to see it with our own 2 eyes...with tht, they admitted, they agreed, their man cavic lost....coincidentally, cavic was the previous OR-holder, which he set 2days ago...
bt how bloody close was tht?!? 0.01seconds seperated them!!!! all i can say is, michael had better thank his lucky stars after tht one!
btw, the previous WR holder - ian crocker, WR = 50.40 - came in 4th with a time of 51.13...
wht a race...im quite sure my BP sky-rocketed watching this race....;)

p/s: cavic is actually really cute...hehe...;)

women's 800m freestyle

gold - rebecca adlington (8:14.10 - WR)

silver - alessia filippi (8:20.23)

bronze - lotte friis (8:23.03)

the english have finally made their long-awaited mark in the pool...she led right from the start and in the end, the 19-yr old brit shaved-off an incredible 2.12seconds off the previous WR of 8:16.22 set by janet evans in 1989 - the yr adlington was born!...how cool is tht!

men's 50m freestyle

gold - cesar cielo fihlo (21.30 - OR)

silver - amaury leveaux (21.45)

bronze - alain bernard (21.49)

holy crap! wht a race!!! i obviously wanted my favourite - WR-holder eamon sullivan - to win...bt hey, a 50m race is fair-game! in the end, eamon came in 6th with a time of 21.65 - WELL off his WR of 21.28....cielo fihlo definately sprang a MAJOR upset, breaking his own OR of 21.34 along the way to win this race of the fastest men! and understandably, he was emotional at the end of it...:)

17 August 2008

women's 50m freestyle

gold - britta steffen (24.06 - OR)

silver - dara torres (24.07 - AM)

bronze - cate campbell (24.17)

her 2nd gold of the games - and this time around, she breaks the previous OR of 24.13 set by the great inge de bruijn in 2000...more importantly, dara was soo close to gold!!! this 41-year old mom was only 0.01seconds behind steffen! how awesome is tht?!? unfortunately, our dear WR-holder libby trickett wasnt even able to medal! instead, she had to settle for 4th with a time of 24.25....hmm...

men's 1500m freestyle
gold - oussama mellouli (14:40.84 - AF)
silver - grant hackett (14:41.53)

bronze - ryan cochrane (14:42.69)

aaarghh!!! wht a shame!!! on one hand, im soo bloody devastated tht grant wasnt able to retain his title and get his historical hattrick! i mean, to add salt to wound, im quite sure he's under-performed this whole olympics! all this despite all the measures he'd taken...he swam WELL outside his WR of 14:34.56 bt at least tht WR still stands and his name is still up there...and i'm happy for tht...:) oh well, he'd taken over the reigns from the great kieran perkins, so i guess it's time to pass the baton?

on the other hand, this is EXACTLY why i love the olympics! it's a world-class competition and anyone, from any part of the world has a chance at shining! and in this case, it's the tunisian mellouli..wht an upset! he stood-by hackett and the canadian cochrane and in the final leg, juz burst ahead of grant - who i must say, tried his mightiest to catch up - and took home the gold! wht a feat...:)

women's 4x100m medley relay
gold - australia (3:52.69 - WR)

[emily seebohm, leisel jones, jessicah schipper, lisbeth trickett]

silver - usa (3:53.30 - AM)

[natalie coughlin, rebecca soni, christine magnuson, dara torres]

bronze - china (3:56.11 - AS)

[jing zhao, ye sun, yafei zhou, jiaying pang]

omg! the golden girls are back! the same 4 who won the gold in athens did it again! :) wht a show! they obliterated their previous WR of 3:55.74...awesome-ness!!! but i definately have to give props to the americans for putting up a fight! even dara torres - who had swum and won a silver earlier - put every ounce of energy she had left in her to keep up, bt the aussies proved to powerful! :)

and hey - china?!? awesome.....:)

men's 4x100m medley relay

gold - usa (3:29.24 - WR)

[aaron peirsol, brenden hansen, michael phelps, jason lezak]

silver - australia (3:30.04 - OC)

[hayden stoeckel, brenton rickard, andrew lauterstein, eamon sullivan]

bronze - japan (3:31.18 - AS)

[junichi miyashita, kosuke kitajima, takuro fujii, hisayoshi sato]

he already matched mark spitz's historical haul of 7medals in a single olympic..NOW - with the help of 3 others who are the best in their respective disciplines - michael phelps IS the GREATEST olympian and swimmer of our modern-day with his final tally of 8gold medals!!!

the americans led from start to finish and they demolished their previous WR 3:30.68!! we had an exciting run in the 2nd leg - the breastroke - where we saw kitajima single-handedly put the japanese team on par with the top 2...how cool was tht!

but hey - it was juz sooo bloody obvious tht the americans were the ones to win - but i must say, the aussies put up a brilliant challenge! especially in the final leg, where eamon sullivan looked like he could actually pull off the greatest upset of the olympics and be the one to deny michael his historical 8! but in the end, it was juz a split of 0.70seconds! the aussies can only be proud of tht, as they are a young team adn i can forsee them making waves in the near future...i say this cos if you look at the great american team, it'll probly only be michael who'll be back in 4years to defend the title...hmm...we'll wait and see, now shall we? :)

michael was also honoured and acknowledged for his brilliant wins and sportsmanship and we FINALLY see some emotion from him as the american anthem played...*sigh*...FINA and the swimming world can only hope tht this will bring the much-needed publicity the sport soo needs...

wht a run...wht a brilliant olympics! thank you beijing, thank you michael! ;)

“There is nobody in our sport that can win like he wins,” U.S. head coach Eddie Reese said. “He is not just winning, he is crunching world records.”

British swimmer Simon Burnett provided his theory to Reese when they ran into each other in the cafeteria.
“He was saying to me, ‘I think I’ve figured out Michael Phelps. He is not from another planet; he is from the future. His father made him and made a time machine. Sixty years from now he is an average swimmer, but he has come back here to mop up.’”

beijing quote of the day:
"I got 80 text messages today. One of my friends said to me, 'Dude, how many times a day do I have to see your ugly face?'"-- Michael Phelps

number 4 & 5!! un-fucking-believable!!! :)

men's 200m butterfly
gold - michael phelps (1:52.03 - WR)
silver - laszlo cseh (1:52.70)
bronze - takeshi matsuda (1:52.97)

seriuosly, i think we can all go on&on abt this man...bt in a nutshell - he's a bloody freak of nature!
it was an awesome race - as usual! he might not have shaved it off by much, bt he did it nonetheless..he dropped it from his previous WR of 1:52.07 which he set in melbourne in 2007.
here's the best part of the race - the top4 all set new records! cseh set a new european record; matsuda set a new asian record; and a special mention to the kiwi moss burmester who took 4th - not only is he the 1st kiwi since 1996 to appear in an olympic final, his time of 1:54.35 is a new oceania record!.....how awesome was this bloody race!!! :)

[excerpt from a feature story on the beijing2008 website]:

He is the classic wholesome all-American boy who, for an added twist of tension, even had the audacity to win the 200 meters Butterfly despite a goggle malfunction which affected his vision.

"When my goggles filled up there was nothing I could do. All I could do at that point was swim. I tried to see something at the 150 wall. I tried to see the T on the bottom to judge my turn. I was more or less trying to count my strokes, hoping I was dead on. I'm just disappointed because I know I can go faster than that."

women's 200m IM
gold - stephanie rice (2:08.45 - WR)
silver - kirsty coventry (2:08.59)
bronze - natalie coughlin (2:10.34)

i dont write enough abt the women as i do the men - go figure! :) bt this, this was a definate must-blog! :)
juz looking at those times, u can sure-as-hell tell tht it was a bloody awesome race!
the 1st 50m fly was led by katie hoff..and when breastroke was up, coventry definately caught-up big time! then it became almost a straight line...bt mostly, the fight was btwn rice and coventry - who btw, was absolutely brilliant and at times looked like SHE was gonna take the gold home! but in tht last 50m-free, you could see tht both rice and coventry were touching the green WR-line and because they were swimming side-by-side, it looked like it was a toss-up btwn the 2...
but in the end, rice touched 1st, smashing her previous WR of 2:08.92....like i said, a brilliant race -left you guessing till the very end! :)

men's 4x200m freestyle relay
gold - USA (6:58.56 - WR)
[michael phelps, ryan lochte, ricky berens, peter vanderkaay]
silver - russia (7:03.70 - ER)
[nikita lobintsev, evgeniy lagunov, danila izotov, alexander sukhorukov]
bronze - australia (7:04.98)
[patrick murphy, grant hackett, grant brits, nick frost]

with this race, it was definately the americans from the get-go!
phelps juz gave them tht HUGE lead - pretty much a whole body-length and UNDER the 200m free WR! the rest of team did NOT disappoint! they went on to lead the field and were 2 body-lengths in front of the green WR-line!!! and juz like jason lezak, vanderkaay - the 4th swimmer - definately brought it home!
it then pretty much became a race for silver! for most of the time, it was pretty much a tight-one btwn the aussies & the russians! at one point - with the 2nd swimmer - i saw a black body with a yellow-cap at the top of the tv-screen...for a second there i thought it was ian thorpe! turned out to be grant hackett - who i must say, didnt do too shabby a job...bt it irked me to see the black suit swimming slowly - it felt like ian was doing a crap job! :( and so, my personal thought is tht grant should STOP wearing the black suit for his other races and juz leave it for his forte - the 1500m...:)

back to the americans, like i said, i was juz in awe seeing them swim! it then for me became not juz a race to smash their previous WR, it became one where i was cheering them-on to hit sub-7mins! and they did it!!! they bloody-well obliterated their prev WR of 7:03.24 set in 2007! how can u not love them?!? how can u not juz stand-back in bloody amazement?!?

oh, and lets not forget, michael phelps has juz under an hour before, swam - and set a new WR - and won the men's 200m fly...:)

*men's 100m freestyle SEMIS*
i dont usually write abt the semis, bt this one sure deserves a special mention - go watch them, and u'll knw wht i mean...
with the 1st semi, alain bernard of france was definately out to reclaim his spot as the fastest - which the aussie eamon sullivan took over 2days ago when he set the new WR of 47.24...and he did! bernard - in semifinal 1, set a new WR of 47.20!!! and it was indeed a beautiful swim...
fast fwd a few minutes later to semifinal 2...here we see the likes of eamon sullivan and pieter van den hoogenband...lo-and-behold, eamon ups his game and further shaves off alain's WR! his new WR = 47.05!!!!

the finals will definately prove to be a spectacular race!!! :)

day 4, and he makes it number 3!!! =)

men's 200m freestyle
gold - michael phelps (1:42.96 - WR)
silver - taehwan park (1:44.85)
bronze - peter vanderkaay (1:45.14)

i can't believe tht juz 4 yrs ago, in athens, this man was only as good as bronze...it's amazing how in the last couple of yrs he's improved in this event tremendously! i mean, nobody, i do mean, NOBODY can forget the brilliant race back in athens when it was thorpey for gold, hoogie silver and phelps bronze...and with the former 2 not swimming, really, the only competition was park - and he was miles away!!!
and here he is, obliterating his previous WR of 1:43.86 and not to mention, ian's previous OR of 1:44.71.....i mean, michael phelps is a freak in the bloody pool!!! - and i mean tht with great awe! :)

and now, he's made it 3...not only is it his 3rd gold, it's also his 3rd bloody WR!!! and with tht beautiful swim he did for the men's 200m fly semis - not long after the free finals - number 4 tmrw is gonna be easy as pie....:) cant wait!!!! ;)
oh, and btw, park was also awesome! he's definately part of the future of swimming! :)

on another thought - as much as i was stoked to see phelps make it number 3, i was sad tht with him smashing his prev WR, it also meant he'd be the OR-holder...which means tht ian's name would be erased from the books...and tht, my friends, is a sad, sad thing....:(

men's 100m backstroke
gold - aaron peirsol (52.54 - WR)
silver - matt grevers (53.11)
bronze - arkady vyatchanin & hayden stoeckel (53.18)

omg!!! this was such a tight race to the finish!!! first, i was sooo bloody surprised to see peirsol's name in lane2!!! i mean, wht the?!?....ok fine...bt then, all my cheering for him paid off! :)
at the end of the first 50m, when it mattered the most, peirsol juz flew! he suddenly broke away from the pack and juz showed us that he was indeed the champion we knew he was! :)

not only did he win it - he bloody well broke his own previous WR of 52.89....definately a brilliant race! :)

thank you jason lezak!!! :)

men's 4x100m freestyle relay
gold - USA (3:08.24 - WR)
[michael phelps, garrett weber-gale, cullen jones, jason lezak]
silver - france (3:08.32)
[amaury leveaux, fabien gilot, frederick bousquet, alain bernard]
bronze - australia (3:09.91)
[eamon sullivan, andrew lauterstein, ashley callus, matt targett]

if you didnt watch it - GO WATCH IT!!!
good god...the only thng i can say was WOW!!! the top5 teams were all under the prev WR time!! i mean, how superb was tht!
eamon sullivan was a brilliant start for the aussies! he led the whole way thru - ahead of phelps even! bt after tht, the rest of the team faltered - sorta...i mean, at the end of the race, they were still ahead of WR time, bt it juz wasnt enough! damn...france juz came up wonderfully! esp when they had their world champion bernard anchoring the race....
it looked like phelps was gonna have to say bubbye to his 8golds with the way they were going - esp after their 3rd swimmer, jones...france continued to lead the way..and bernard was the shoo-in to win..till the last 25m or so...we see lezak swimming the race of his life! and in the end, he did it! lezak saved the day! he was absolutely amazing! who would've thunk it! yay! phelps is very much still in-check for his 8golds!!!! :) - it's now 2down, 6 to go....:)

im juz happy, happy, happy...:) i juz jumping and cheering the whole time, and im convinced tht if u were to take my pulse & BP immediately after the race, they would most definately have been elevated! :).....definately worth skipping lectures for....;)....they were complimentary medicine lecture only after all....=p

men's 100m breastroke
gold - kosuke kitajima (58.91 - WR)
silver - alexander dale oen (59.20)
bronze - hugues duboscq (59.37)

i wasnt able to watch this race due to bloody lectures (a boring one, at tht!)...bt yay! my choice, my favourite to win, won in the end! hehe...kitajima not only won it, he shattered brendan hansen's previous WR of 59.13! :)......happy, happy, happy.....:)

1 down, 7 to go! :)

men's 400m IM
gold - michael phelps (4:03.84 - WR)
silver - laszlo cseh (4:06.16 - OR)
bronze - ryan lochte (4:08.09)

he's done it! michael phelps was soo bloody brilliant! he pretty much led throughout the whole race! twds the end, after abt the 250-300mark, his whole body was pretty much ahead of the WR line (which incidentally was HIS prev WR of 4:05.25)! how awesome is tht! i mean, ryan lochte didnt even prove to be the threat we thought he was gonna be..i mean, even in his weakest leg - the breastroke - which incidentally, is lochte's strongest, he was ahead of lochte! definately, a beautiful swim by phelps! the technique was almost flawless....
but i must say, runner up laszlo cseh was juz as good! he showed us why he is the european champion! bt yeah...phelps is most definately jus a step away from his 8golds...:)

p/s: phelps is looking A LOT trimmer than he did before!.... :)

men's 400m freestyle
gold - taehwan park (3:41.86)
silver - lin zhang (3:42.44)
bronze - larsen jensen (3:42.78)

yay for asia!!! park was boody awesome! we knew from the get-go tht his aim was to beat ian thorpe's WR of 3:40.08...im happy he didnt, cos tht juz means ian's name will stay on for longer...:) bt at the same time, he's only 18, and he's definately someone im keeping my eyes in future races...and grant hackett? damn...i knew this wasnt his forte, bt i didnt expect him to come in 6th! oh, and how weird was it tht he wore a full black bodysuit with the yellow cap! for a minute there, i thought we were gonna have the pleasure of ian thorpe in the pool again! oh well, cant wait to see him get his hattrick though...

Athens '04 - the great thorpe himself...:)

Men's 200m free



Men's 400m free

8 looks very much within reach!

it was only day1 of aquatics....and it was only the bloody heats!!! bt already michael phelps, this brilliant swimmer has made his mark in the beautiful Water Cube...

the new OR = 4:07:82...which means he'd shaved-off almost a whole second off the OR he set in athes back in '04 (4:08:26)....

with heats like this....gosh, i soo cant wait for the finals tonite! this, along with grant hackett in the 400m free....which, despite me knowing well and clear tht it's not his particular strength, i still hope and wish he'd be there taking the gold! :) and as steph brilliantly stated - too bad thorpe wasnt there to show 'em how it's done....;)

One World, One Dream...

as i blog about this momentous event in sports history - in history for tht matter - china and the czech repbulic have already had their 1st gold medals....kudos to them! :)

everything about the opening ceremony last night was nothing short of brilliance! from the 2008 drummers, to the fireworks of the footprints - well, ALL the fireworks were brilliant! - to the scroll and all the perfomances....spectacular!!!


there was never a dull moment last night! my favourite was off course when the athletes made their appearance...:)

b'cos i was sooo tired from the day, i fell asleep when this started - it was already midnight here when the ceremony began -...i knw! im beyond gutted!!! :(

im sooo bloody sad i missed malaysia walking past...so when i woke up, we've passed it, and i was juz soo confused at the order they were coming out...turns out, they're doing it according to the mandarin alphabets....cool...:)

so yeah, i then waited for the other contries i was looking fwd to seeing...the americans looked dapper in their ralph lauren sports coat and beret...i was trying to spot phelps & the williams sisters, bt couldnt find them..instead, we got a good shot of the "redeem team"...hehe..the brits off course looked good in their white sports coats...mark foster looked like such a giant carrying the flag! cant wait to see him in the pool though! :)

and when switzerland came, it was awesome to see roger federer carrying the flag...:) with the spaniards - we got to see rafael nadal walking amongst his peers...and then came the kiwis...they were soo typically lepak donning the silver fern on their black casual shirts and pants (good god! balck in the crazy heat of beijing!!!) with sandals...lol..nice...

and then came my pool favourites - the aussies!!! :) bt wait-a-minute..wht happened to their traditional gold&green? this time they were decked out in blue?!? interesting change....unfortunately, thought i was hoping very much, i expected wht i saw - the absence of grant hackett carrying the flag....oh well - all worth it if it means victory in the pool! :)

anyways, the IOC president gave wht i felt to be a very moving, inspirational speech, which once again reminds everyone abt the spirit of the games, to have fun, and to shun doping and cheating...

well, on to the games now! i'll obviously be religiously following the swimming event...hehe...even though we wont have another brilliant battle btwn thorpey, hoogie & phelps in the 200m free, i cant wait to see the battles, especially those in the new speedo LZR racer...:) i cant wait to see phelps beat mark spitz's 7-gold record and get his 8! AND i soo wanna see grant hackett get his hattrick in the 1500m free...:)...ah, the joys of the pool....;)

and so, hats off to china for pulling off a spectacular welcome to the games - in spite of all the shit it'sbeen thru over the last yr - and to london, i say "BEAT THAT!"....:)

happiness is not a fish that you can catch...

...."Talking is just masturbating, Without the mess"....-Raine Maida-

someone close to my heart, a great, smart friend told me last night tht no-one can ever be on a constant high...simple and obvious as tht may seem, i think it was only then tht it hit home..it took a while, bt it finally got drilled into my thick, stubborn skull! and i am ever so grateful and thankful that i have a friend who cares enough to check up on me - despite the tasman separating us - to make sure i dont tip-off the ledge and fall into the deep, dark pit of helplessness and despair tht i've had the unfortunate experience of going thru....

when it comes down to it, im quite sure im essentially shocked & pissed-off at myself for being this weakling who has dark thoughts, who's depressed - though not clinically as stated by the DSM-IV - and who's self-loathe & self-pity is slowly destroying the person she always thought she was....

wht i mean by that is tht, i've always thought i was this happy-go-lucky person....pretty much someone on a constant hypomanic state - again, not clinically as stated in the DSM-IV -....well, so much for tht personality trait...again, wht pisses me off, is tht im more confused now than i ever was as to who the hell i am! gosh...how infuriating! bt then again, i think back to Dr. H Seth - the consultant psychiatrist i was working with while at the MasonClinic - and wht he said....he said, how do we really diagnose personality disorders?...most of us only finally figure out our true personalities in our mid-lifes, - and tht's if we're lucky! - when we've had heaps of life-esperiences to guide us and shape us into the men and women we will become...

does tht make sense to u?

so i guess, wht it might boil down to is tht...i've had a good run at life...my theory tht my life had peaked in imu - the bell curve trend beginning in form4 - and tht it's only downhill from here on out, would most likely just be the cynic in me talking...hmm...tough and near-impossible as it looks to be, i think i've gotta rid myself of tht bloody cynic & pessimist tht i knw i am...hmm...not particularly bright propects there...bugger!...

oh well...juz like the brilliant forrest gump said -
"life is like a box of chocolates. you never know wht you're gonna get"
i think if life was all up,up and up....it wouldn't be life, now would it? where would the challenge be? if we always know tht things would always look up, tht the sky would always be bright and sunny, would we ever strive to better ourselves?

and so, i guess i've been on a so-called high for quite awhile...and unfortunately for me, its time i came crashing down - down into the bloody pits! -...its juz my luck tht my "down-moments" have to be as low as this - go figure! -....and i guess my purpose for the moment, my purpose for the now, is to pull myself out of this pit, put of this annoying funk i'm in and hope tht at the end of this, i'll look back and thank ALLAH tht i survived it! thank Him tht i turned out a stronger person...and tht my friends, is wht i truly believe to be my current purpose - along with praying to Him and passing my bloody 5th yr finals! -

now if only i can always remember all this...so tht i can quickly recover if i happen to relapse again - like i did the other day - and NOT shop for a sterile blade and NOT punch a hole in my bedroom wall....