that moment you realize that everything you know is a lie

and that you are worth nothing

and no one cares

wow....uncanny resemblence...

it hurts to know that you're just a floating mass

that you don't belong anywhere

that someone is making a big mistake for spending time with you

i haven't cried in awhile

tonight i cry again

yes, that particular pain still hurts

but it is getting better

it doesn't ache as much

it doesn't paralyze me anymore

the bigger pain is still there

the loss of not one - but TWO close friends

one of whom was meant to be the closest thing there is

sigh

oh well

c'est la vie

nope

it still hurts

i thought i was done

i thought i was coming right

nope

it still hurts

it still fucking hurts

it's true what they say..

you never forget your first

your first anything!

first day of school ever!

first crush

first kiss

first love

first CPR

first death

first relationship
first heartbreak

first...

first mistake

...

the mind is such a brittle, fragile, mysterious place
and im teetering on the edge of it

but i must still be ok if i'm still here, right?
despite the terrible pain, the isolation, the loneliness
the nights tears accompany me to sleep...

still here
just have to keep up with the front

i've become way too cynical for my own good
oh well, who cares, right?



and i'm struggling not to cut...
every time the pain becomes too much to bear
i just feel the current scars,
reminds me how good things can be after the cut...

thanks for the pep talk mom
i am now NOT looking forward to visiting in october

fuck im just gonna study for my EMST while in kl