smiles for today...

• soundtrack for today - incubus
• finished at 3pm....
• left work at 4pm on the dot! :)
  

smiles for today...

• andy baker
• the dude at VideoEzy
  

qualms of the day...

ANGER is the status quo....
i just feel angry at everything....
though i do smile, i can laugh...
i still also wanna SCREAM!, i wanna hit something/someone...
i wanna cry...i want a hug....i wanna cut....
suddenly that BLADE in my dresser looks soooo very tempting...

add to that, my michael phelps book got ruined - now it'll forever have stains...

ok...think happy thoughts nana....

• errr.....i saw andy baker....:)
• i bought my john mayer tickets...
• vampire weekend will be coming in april! :)
  

hmmm......happy vs PO'd...

i think the status quo remains....

my first code

my patient....
severe MI - i mean - Trop I of 10.80!!!!
and then he arrested - after i was meant to go home...
had to call a code - knowing that he was dead when i got there...
started compressions...team came...we knew it was over....

it sucked...had to face the family - who knew it was coming...

i know i did what i needed to do...i went down the NSTEMI route...
the regs i asked seemed to think so...i think...
but maybe if i got a reg down earlier....maybe something would've changed?
i know objectively, medically, nothing much could be done..
but it sucks..

im not phased by the death bit of things - i mean, it's not the first death i witnessed in front of my eyes...
but yeah...it suddenly feels worse when im the doctor there with responsibilities...

bummer.......*sigh*.....

smiles for today...

• good lunch - finally! :)
• caught up with luke....
  

smiles for today...

• morning flat white
• lunch with andrew + morag
• lunch with visible eye-candies very close-by
• drive home : pixies - this monkey's gone to heaven; 311 - love song
  

smiles for today...

• a colleague helping me out my following up on a request for a patient of his whose care i've only just taken over....
• dvds rented for the week
  
• awesome catch-up dinner at nisha's!!! - great, great indian food with creme brulee and friends! :)

smiles for today...

silversun pickups - soundtrack when driving to and from work...:)
chai latte after my HO ward round....:)

smile for today...

something else that i know will make me smile...

mix-tape / mix-cd

finally something to smile about in the midst of all the chaos in my head....