One World, One Dream...

as i blog about this momentous event in sports history - in history for tht matter - china and the czech repbulic have already had their 1st gold medals....kudos to them! :)

everything about the opening ceremony last night was nothing short of brilliance! from the 2008 drummers, to the fireworks of the footprints - well, ALL the fireworks were brilliant! - to the scroll and all the perfomances....spectacular!!!


there was never a dull moment last night! my favourite was off course when the athletes made their appearance...:)

b'cos i was sooo tired from the day, i fell asleep when this started - it was already midnight here when the ceremony began -...i knw! im beyond gutted!!! :(

im sooo bloody sad i missed malaysia walking past...so when i woke up, we've passed it, and i was juz soo confused at the order they were coming out...turns out, they're doing it according to the mandarin alphabets....cool...:)

so yeah, i then waited for the other contries i was looking fwd to seeing...the americans looked dapper in their ralph lauren sports coat and beret...i was trying to spot phelps & the williams sisters, bt couldnt find them..instead, we got a good shot of the "redeem team"...hehe..the brits off course looked good in their white sports coats...mark foster looked like such a giant carrying the flag! cant wait to see him in the pool though! :)

and when switzerland came, it was awesome to see roger federer carrying the flag...:) with the spaniards - we got to see rafael nadal walking amongst his peers...and then came the kiwis...they were soo typically lepak donning the silver fern on their black casual shirts and pants (good god! balck in the crazy heat of beijing!!!) with sandals...lol..nice...

and then came my pool favourites - the aussies!!! :) bt wait-a-minute..wht happened to their traditional gold&green? this time they were decked out in blue?!? interesting change....unfortunately, thought i was hoping very much, i expected wht i saw - the absence of grant hackett carrying the flag....oh well - all worth it if it means victory in the pool! :)

anyways, the IOC president gave wht i felt to be a very moving, inspirational speech, which once again reminds everyone abt the spirit of the games, to have fun, and to shun doping and cheating...

well, on to the games now! i'll obviously be religiously following the swimming event...hehe...even though we wont have another brilliant battle btwn thorpey, hoogie & phelps in the 200m free, i cant wait to see the battles, especially those in the new speedo LZR racer...:) i cant wait to see phelps beat mark spitz's 7-gold record and get his 8! AND i soo wanna see grant hackett get his hattrick in the 1500m free...:)...ah, the joys of the pool....;)

and so, hats off to china for pulling off a spectacular welcome to the games - in spite of all the shit it'sbeen thru over the last yr - and to london, i say "BEAT THAT!"....:)

happiness is not a fish that you can catch...

...."Talking is just masturbating, Without the mess"....-Raine Maida-

someone close to my heart, a great, smart friend told me last night tht no-one can ever be on a constant high...simple and obvious as tht may seem, i think it was only then tht it hit home..it took a while, bt it finally got drilled into my thick, stubborn skull! and i am ever so grateful and thankful that i have a friend who cares enough to check up on me - despite the tasman separating us - to make sure i dont tip-off the ledge and fall into the deep, dark pit of helplessness and despair tht i've had the unfortunate experience of going thru....

when it comes down to it, im quite sure im essentially shocked & pissed-off at myself for being this weakling who has dark thoughts, who's depressed - though not clinically as stated by the DSM-IV - and who's self-loathe & self-pity is slowly destroying the person she always thought she was....

wht i mean by that is tht, i've always thought i was this happy-go-lucky person....pretty much someone on a constant hypomanic state - again, not clinically as stated in the DSM-IV -....well, so much for tht personality trait...again, wht pisses me off, is tht im more confused now than i ever was as to who the hell i am! gosh...how infuriating! bt then again, i think back to Dr. H Seth - the consultant psychiatrist i was working with while at the MasonClinic - and wht he said....he said, how do we really diagnose personality disorders?...most of us only finally figure out our true personalities in our mid-lifes, - and tht's if we're lucky! - when we've had heaps of life-esperiences to guide us and shape us into the men and women we will become...

does tht make sense to u?

so i guess, wht it might boil down to is tht...i've had a good run at life...my theory tht my life had peaked in imu - the bell curve trend beginning in form4 - and tht it's only downhill from here on out, would most likely just be the cynic in me talking...hmm...tough and near-impossible as it looks to be, i think i've gotta rid myself of tht bloody cynic & pessimist tht i knw i am...hmm...not particularly bright propects there...bugger!...

oh well...juz like the brilliant forrest gump said -
"life is like a box of chocolates. you never know wht you're gonna get"
i think if life was all up,up and up....it wouldn't be life, now would it? where would the challenge be? if we always know tht things would always look up, tht the sky would always be bright and sunny, would we ever strive to better ourselves?

and so, i guess i've been on a so-called high for quite awhile...and unfortunately for me, its time i came crashing down - down into the bloody pits! -...its juz my luck tht my "down-moments" have to be as low as this - go figure! -....and i guess my purpose for the moment, my purpose for the now, is to pull myself out of this pit, put of this annoying funk i'm in and hope tht at the end of this, i'll look back and thank ALLAH tht i survived it! thank Him tht i turned out a stronger person...and tht my friends, is wht i truly believe to be my current purpose - along with praying to Him and passing my bloody 5th yr finals! -

now if only i can always remember all this...so tht i can quickly recover if i happen to relapse again - like i did the other day - and NOT shop for a sterile blade and NOT punch a hole in my bedroom wall....

i wish i had a sharp, sterile blade of some sort....

a day in cardiology...

this morning during ward rounds i saw a 40-something-year-old dude who has an ejection fraction of 5%!!!! i mean, talk abt crazy!!! he must have seriously wasted his life and stuffed-up his heart to get it this bad, this early! gosh....

rants of a crazy mind...

ever since i learnt the term...ive been pretty convinced tht ive got BPAD II....or at least hypomania....im even more convinced now...

i've been down for the longest time ever! and then, for the past few days, i've been on a pretty high wave...hmm...adn now, i think i mite juz be going back down hill?

i juz heard a great, great news...about 2 great - the best even - friends...they got together! i think i've always suspected - even since our taylors/imu days - tht something would come out of it...cos they've always had this special bond btwn the 2 of them...i couldnt be happier! and i knw things would be awesome...CONGRATS my dears...

bt the fucking problem is...this brought up fucking thoughts which i DONT wanna have!!! FUCK!!
my sense of self-loathe has juz returned with a fucking vengence! god, i miss the days where it was the 4 of us...they were brilliant! my brothers and sister....now im stuck on this god-forsaken island-kampung, while my life juz crumbles to fucking pieces....

i think wht has also happened is tht, as much as i thnk im this pretty independent saggitarian, as much as i think i've done pretty well being single my whole life...i think i juz realised - or rather, im finally admitting - tht i think i do wanna feel all these things tht ppl talk abt...fuck! i thought i escaped all tht...

i think my mind is slipping...i think my motivation for life is slipping...im quite sure...no, i KNOW tht i HATE myself....i want those days back! days where i was happy in imu...days where i was happy with my best friends in tmntun....

Ian Thorpe interview on ROVE (live in studio) July 2008

my syg!!! hehe...

Eamon Sullivan - Wide World of Sports

first there was ian...
now there's eamon....:)

one of the things thts pretty high up there in my list of hot things is definately a dude who dotes on his baby/toddler/kid!

omg, cair giler sial!!! juz like the dad i saw at the immunology food-challenge clinic at starship this morning....*drool*......;) so yeah, a hot dad playing with his kid is definately uber-lazat! :)

TI elective 2009...

yay! juz got a letter from UM....my application to do my 1st quarter elective there nxt yr has been approved! :) and i got my 1st choice of 4wks medicine, 4wks emergency....:)

hehe....all i have to do now is to pass my bloody exam! dammit...tht the bloody big-ass bump on the road...hmm....pray for me? cos then, i'll be able to get my extended summer break back home in good-ol tmn tun! ;)

water babies...

question: who will be in the final line-up for the australian swim team for beijing?

question: who will make the final-cut for the american swim team?

question: should i take an interest in the kiwi swim team?

question: will ian thorpe be in beijing - out of the pool & as a supporter this time? (yes plz!)

question: will the speedo lzr racer steal the limelight?

question: how many records would be fallen this time?

question: will grant hackett hold on to his 1500m free for the 3rd olympic in a row? (i hope he does!)

question: will the RSA team be juz as brilliant & as big a surprise as they were before?