that moment you realize that everything you know is a lie

and that you are worth nothing

and no one cares

wow....uncanny resemblence...

it hurts to know that you're just a floating mass

that you don't belong anywhere

that someone is making a big mistake for spending time with you

i haven't cried in awhile

tonight i cry again

yes, that particular pain still hurts

but it is getting better

it doesn't ache as much

it doesn't paralyze me anymore

the bigger pain is still there

the loss of not one - but TWO close friends

one of whom was meant to be the closest thing there is

sigh

oh well

c'est la vie

nope

it still hurts

i thought i was done

i thought i was coming right

nope

it still hurts

it still fucking hurts

it's true what they say..

you never forget your first

your first anything!

first day of school ever!

first crush

first kiss

first love

first CPR

first death

first relationship
first heartbreak

first...

first mistake

...

the mind is such a brittle, fragile, mysterious place
and im teetering on the edge of it

but i must still be ok if i'm still here, right?
despite the terrible pain, the isolation, the loneliness
the nights tears accompany me to sleep...

still here
just have to keep up with the front

i've become way too cynical for my own good
oh well, who cares, right?



and i'm struggling not to cut...
every time the pain becomes too much to bear
i just feel the current scars,
reminds me how good things can be after the cut...

thanks for the pep talk mom
i am now NOT looking forward to visiting in october

fuck im just gonna study for my EMST while in kl

favourite love songs - updated

update from the previous list:

• patti smith (+ springsteen) - because the night
• might just walk down the aisle to this
• bryan adams - have you ever really loved a woman
• bon jovi - always
• the beatles - love
• elvis - can't help falling in love with you
• bruno mars - just the way you are
• the cure/311/adele - love song
• the smiths - there is a light that never goes out
• or maybe walk down the aisle to this one :p
• the xx - angels
• eric clapton - wonderful tonight

on another note....

i am NOT looking forward to 07/12/2012 and the days surrounding it

homies - i despise this word

so angry, so so angry

so much anger and resentment inside

can't let go of it

i am a ticking time-bomb

will probably implode one day

Male Surgeons, male physicians - are all lucky
Their options are vast!
There's nurses to choose from and bloody Allied Health
AND the nursing/allied health students

Me?
A female wannabe Surgeon - doctor nontheless
me - im fucked

Chuen got married!!!! :):)

she was a beautiful bride...

you could see the love and happiness ooze out of their pores...

can't wait for Steph's in december! :)

she and kian rock! :)

and Bal got engaged!!! 

oh wow! so happy for him! :)

now i want one...

cept i don't seem to do it right...

sigh...oh well...

c'est la vie